The sticker with a picture titled “Do you like bacon?” stared at Vivi from her backpack as she came home. It was just a yellow sticker with some awkward drawing and one sentence, and still, it caused her so much pain. It reminded her of being different on her first day at school. The memories flushed her, and she sat transfixed at her desk. She was back in school on Day One.
***
Vivi made it to the lunch break, and nothing terrible happened on her first day at school. The teacher was kind and didn’t call her to the front of the class to introduce herself. The children said nothing intimidating, and nobody seemed to notice her. That was cool. She didn’t need anyone. She was ok. Being invisible was ok. Vivi watched the schoolyard of All Stars Students, her new school. Her mother chose it because of its mission statement and location within the city limits. It was also a small school, which encouraged attention to students according to their needs. Vivi liked that the idea of inclusion. She always felt different, no matter where she was, even though she tried to act like everybody else. Kids were busy playing basketball, jumping rope, and sharing food. She held her lunch tight, which included an alfajor, the dessert her mother gave her as encouragement for her first day.
Suddenly, one of the kids approached her and asked, “I heard you talking to the teacher this morning. What’s with that accent? Why do you talk funny?” He smiled as if he wanted to get to know her. She tried to turn away, but it was too late. Other kids joined them and waited for her response.
For a moment, Vivi felt awkward and lost her breath. Then she smiled, straightened her posture, and said, “I don’t know, I have an Argentinian accent when I speak English. Maybe because I’m from Buenos Aires. When I speak Spanish, I talk with no accent at all.”
“You speak Spanish?” The boy asked in awe. “I don’t speak anything but English, and even that needs help.” The children around them nodded in agreement. “Say something in Spanish!” He challenged her.
“Like what?” Vivi’s eyes sparkled, her mouth regained moisture, and she felt like an ambassador from another country.
“Say, Johnny’s an idiot.” A girl next to him sputtered and laughed.
The boy who was talking to Vivi blushed and lowered his head. Then he looked her straight in the eye and said, “No, Say ‘hello, nice to meet you’ in Spanish,” The circle around Vivi grew tighter, and Johny pushed the kids around to continue and be close to her.
“Hola,” Vivi said, and her smile widened, “Encantada, nice to meet you.”
“Encantada,” said the boy named Johnny.
“No, no, ‘encantada’ is for girls. “You’d say – encantado.” laughed Vivi.
The girl who introduced Johnny extended her hand and said, “Hola, encantada. I’m Betty.”
Vivi shook Betty’s hand vigorously, holding her lunch in the other like a life preserver. “Hola, encantada. I’m Vivi.” They both giggled.
Johnny grabbed Vivi’s hand and said, “Encantado. I’m Johnny.”
One by one, the kids shook her hand and introduced themselves.
“Hola, I’m Jamie, encantada,” said a tall girl with glasses.
“Hola, I’m Chuck, encantado,” said a chubby boy with curly hair.
Vivi kept shaking hands and laughing with relief. She didn’t remember any of the names, but Johnny’s and Betty’s, and it was ok. Vivi noticed that the kids had a funny American accent when they spoke Spanish. Her weird feeling about her accent vanished, and she started breathing more calmly. Soon after that introduction, the kids all dispersed to eat their lunch, and Vivi spotted a sunny place near the fence. She still had some time before the end of the break. All that activity made her yearn for the alfajor and the avocado sandwich her mom had prepared, all wrapped in a thin paper decorated with hearts and a note reminding, “Be kind, be smart, be loved – kisses, Mom.” Vivi kissed the message, folded it carefully, and placed it in her pocket.
Vivi saw Betty reaching her sunny spot and waved. Betty’s spiky blue hair looked great, framing her freckles. She wore a purple t-shirt with the bold words ‘Why Not?’. Betty said, “Hola,” and waited for Vivi to respond.
“Hola,” Vivi responded and politely scooted over to make space for her new friend.
“What’s in your sandwich?” Betty pushed her buttony nose to Vivi’s lunch.
“Avocado and red pepper on sourdough bread. Want some?” Vivi asked and offered her half.
Betty examined the sandwich suspiciously. “I got a hard-boiled egg, a granola bar, and a banana.” She shrugged, “Do you want half of mine?”
Vivi’s heart was set on having an alfajor. However, she found pleasure in sharing and exchanging her food with Betty. As they began munching, Vivi was pleasantly surprised by the delicious taste of the granola bar, which contained chunks of chocolate. Adding half a banana made enhanced the overall flavor.
“Hmm… I like your avocado sandwich. It feels so healthy; I’ve never used avocado in a sandwich.” Betty said with a mouthful.
“Yeah, my mom enjoys preparing my meals and snacks; after all, food becomes our body,” Vivi said, thinking about her alfajor and its final destination. “I’ll ask my mom to get me a granola bar once in a while,” she said, licking the banana off her fingers, “Banana is an excellent source of potassium.”
Betty looked at her wide-eyed, “What do you mean? All I know about food is that I either like it or it makes me fat. I never thought of how it feeds my body.” They giggled.
“Your egg contains protein to build new cells and repair old ones.” Vivi said, “It’s pretty awesome. Do you eat meat? That’s full of protein.”
“No, I don’t,” Betty said, “I hate the idea of killing animals just because of their flavor. After all, there’s enough food for everyone. Did you ever see how chickens, cows, and pigs turn into cutlets and steaks? It’s horrible.”
“You’re right,” Vivi said, thinking about those tiny cages. “With all the healthy things my mother taught me, I never considered becoming vegetarian. I love meat. In Argentina, people eat steak like you eat burgers here. By the way, another typical Argentinian dessert is the alfajor. Would you like to share one with me?” Vivi said, forgetting how much she craved it.
“Sure, what does it taste like?” Betty asked.
“Like heaven,” Vivi sighed and split the alfajor in the middle, letting the Dulce de Leche sip on her fingers.
Betty looked mesmerized at two delicate wafers embracing a luscious glob of creamy caramel. “Oh, my God, Vivi! This is amazing,” Betty looked at Vivi as if she had performed some magic. Vivi touched the note in her pocket and knew her mom would be proud of her kindness in sharing her favorite dessert with a new friend.
They heard the school bell announcing the end of the break and ran inside side by side.
“Come, sit next to me, Vivi.” Betty said, “I left room for you even before you shared your alfajor with me.” Vivi moved her backpack from the seat at the back to the one next to Betty.
“You’ve got a new friend.” Ms. Williams smiled at Vivi as the arithmetic lesson started. Betty and Vivi nodded with enthusiasm. It felt so good to have friends. Vivi glanced at Johnny in the next row, who looked eager to participate in the coming lesson. She remembered he was the first to introduce himself to her. Johnny seemed to like the dreaded arithmetics. Her numbers never added right. Betty blushed as she noticed Vivi peeking at her notebook, all smudged with corrections.
“Hey, Betty,” Vivi whispered, “why don’t we ask Johnny to help us with this monster of math? He seems to enjoy it.”
“That’s a great idea!” Betty’s breath quickened, “I wanted to ask him, but I was afraid he wouldn’t be interested in helping me.”
“If we ask together, it would be easy to take a no for an answer,” Vivi reassured her.
The lesson started with the teacher inquiring, “Does anyone have an answer to the question about translating the duration of their commute to school into seconds?”
Johnny’s hand shot up together with a dozen others. Betty and Vivi shrugged sadly. Jamie, the tall girl with thick glasses, responded, “It takes me eight minutes when my father takes me, which equals four hundred and eighty seconds. When my mother does, it’s fifteen minutes because she drops my brother first in his kindergarten. Then it’s nine hundred and sixty seconds.”
“Well said, Jamie,” said Ms. Williams, “Who can give a different answer?”
Johnny waved his hands as if he were drowning.
“I see you, Johnny. What is your answer?” The teacher spoke calmly and reassuringly.
“I walk to school. It takes me forty-five minutes. That’s two thousand seven hundred seconds.”
Vivi realized she could calculate the seconds it took her to get to school by multiplying the minutes by sixty. With some hesitation, she raised her hand.
The teacher addressed her, “Yes, Vivi?” Her heart was pumping blood to her ears, but Vivi tried to ignore it and responded calmly. “I come by bus. It takes me about thirty minutes which is one hundred eighty seconds.”
The kids laughed at her mistake, and she cursed herself for trying.
“That was a good attempt, Vivi, but I think you forgot a zero in your multiplication. It’s a common mistake; don’t worry; you’ll get it quickly with determination and courage.” Ms. Williams smiled with encouragement.
Johnny turned his head and said, “I’ll help you, Vivi.”
“Thanks,” Vivi smiled. Her mistake led to an opportunity to work on something specific. She winked at Betty and said, “I’ll ask him to help you, too, ok?”
“You’re a true friend.” Betty beamed.
Vivi thought that if she wanted to make good grades at school, she had to pay more attention to the lesson instead of focusing on her new friends.
“Betty,” she asked quietly, “let’s pay attention.”
Betty withdrew instantly as if Vivi had slapped her. “Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you,” she said, sitting as far from Vivi as possible. Vivi was at a loss. Betty was her only friend, but she’d learn math only if she concentrated.
“Betty, please, “Vivi whispered anxiously.
“Don’t worry; you don’t need to invite me for your sessions with Johnny. I saw how he looked at you.” Betty said between her teeth and glared forward.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Vivi whispered, trying to concentrate on the teacher’s words. “I want you to get together. You’re my friend!”
“Vivi, Betty, please pay attention,” Ms. Williams called on them. “We’re learning reasoning questions. You may not need to know about rectangular prisms when you graduate, but using your reason will always be handy.”
Vivi couldn’t help herself and snapped at Betty, “Did you hear that? Use your reason.”
“I’m sorry,” Betty blushed, “let’s concentrate on the lesson.”
Ms. Williams continued, asking, “What is the volume of the rectangular prism on the board?”
Johnny’s hand shot up, and he answered while the teacher pointed in his direction, “You multiply four by three by four. The volume is forty-eight inches.”
“Excellent! And how could this calculation be relevant to you? Anybody else wants to answer this? Yes, Jamie?”
“My father wants to get me an aquarium, but I don’t know if it would fit in my room. By calculating its volume, I’d know if there is space for it before my father hires someone to bring it home.” Jamie and Johnny seemed to be the best students in math.
“Right,” The teacher commented, “We want to use what we study at school to solve problems in our life.”
“Hey,” Vivi nudged Betty and smiled, “I’m sorry I cut you short. I got overwhelmed trying to understand math. I’m horrible at this.”
Betty turned and smiled, “I know how it feels. I get overwhelmed all the time.”
“Betty, Vivi,” the teacher said, “please stop your conversation and pay attention to the lesson. Math doesn’t come easy to either of you.”
“Many people have difficulty with math,” Johnny told the teacher, “When I show them the basics, it will be easier for them to concentrate.”
“I’ll give you extra credits.” Ms. Williams said with enthusiasm.
“I won’t do it for credit, “Johnny shook his head, “I’ll be happy to help them.”
“Great,” Miss Williams said, “You are a good friend, Johnny. Class, let’s continue with the following problem.”
Mike raised his hand, “Yes, Mike?” The teacher asked.
“I think if someone can’t deal with the level of this class, they shouldn’t attend this school.” He looked straight at Vivi. The rest of the class remained silent.
Ms. Williams said calmly, “That’s an interesting approach, even though I remember you having difficulty in other subjects, Mike. Anybody else can offer comments?”
“I can also help with Math.” Jamie said, “I like helping because when I do, it’s easier for me to understand the problem and find a way out.”
“That’s a great point, Jamie,” praised Ms. Williams. “Let’s move away from the next problem for now. Instead, gather in teams of four and identify the person who understands how to calculate volumes the best. They can help explain the problem to the rest of the group.”
Desks moved around, and havoc took place for a short while, but then they were all busy exploring and learning what was difficult for some and easy for others.
Moving from one group to another, Ms. Williams brought lively energy to the classroom. Her focused and calm demeanor transformed the kids, shifting the atmosphere from dull to vibrant. Vivi observed her and wished she could possess the same qualities.
Johnny, the leader of Vivi’s group, excitedly explained, “Calculating the volume of prisms is simple. However, the challenge lies in determining the volume of any object.”
Vivi was feeling breathless and didn’t comprehend what “volume” meant. She hesitated to ask and wanted to leave the group to avoid dealing with it. She whispered to Betty, “I’m not feeling well. I need to see the nurse.”
Betty nodded but wasn’t paying attention. Instead, she timidly asked Johnny, “What is volume?”
“That’s an excellent question, Betty. Volume is the space that any object occupies – even you!” Johnny smiled at her, “To find out the volume of any object, we multiply its length, width, and height.”
“But Johnny, I’m round,” Vivi asked, forgetting her plan after hearing Betty’s question, “How can you measure my length and width?”
Johnny agreed, “We have to sink you in a tub of water and measure the amount that spills over. Your volume is the difference between the two water levels. Do you understand?” He asked with concern, and she nodded with relief. She felt comfortable in this little group.
Betty suggested using a small stone she had in her hand. They carefully placed it in a measuring cup. The water level rose a bit. “That’s it!” Betty exclaimed. “The change in the water level represents the volume of my pebble.” They all agreed, feeling like great scientists confirming a theory.
As the teacher approached their table, they looked at her with pride, and she said, “This is no longer math but physics. It demonstrates how things work. Excellent job!”
Johnny’s team was so occupied with the new learning that they stayed during the break to test different objects and their volume. Solving problems became more manageable and practical.
As they were leaving, Vivi suggested, “Why don’t you ask your parents if you could come to my place and do homework together? My mom will drop you off afterward wherever you live.”
“Sorry, Vivi, maybe another time,” Betty politely declined. “I promised my mom to help her make dinners and freeze them for next week. She’s a teacher and doesn’t have much time to cook.”
Johnny looked at his shoes and muttered, “My parents are coming home late tonight. I’d love to study at your place, Vivi. Maybe your mom will have something for dinner,” he added.
“Actually,” Betty interjected quickly, “I changed my mind. I’ll ask my mom if I can visit Vivi. We could all study math together, right?” She gave them a playful wink.
Vivi let her backpack fall and yelled at Betty, “Either you have to help your mother with dinner, or you don’t. Stop making up stories, Betty. Why did you change your mind? You want help with homework or use me to be around Johnny.” She dropped to her knees and started sobbing.
Johnny and Betty looked at each other in confusion. A circle of curious students started to gather, and the least they wanted was to cause more drama.
Vivi felt shocked at her words and looked at Betty with remorse. She said, “Please forgive me, Betty. I’m such a horrible person. You’re my friend, and I mistreat you. I’m so sorry, Betty. I just had a moment of being a nervous wreck. Are you still my friend?” She pleaded and went down again, crying and sighing, her eyes closed and her whole body shivering.
“Vivi,” Johnny whispered, “are you feeling ok? Would you like me to call someone?”
Betty knelt beside Vivi and said, “It’s been a hard day. The first days are always tough. Come, drink some water, and calm down. If you prefer to go with Johnny, it’s fine. Don’t worry; calm down.”
Vivi stopped sobbing and heaved heavily. She was ashamed of her behavior. She had no idea what came over her. Betty was right. Being in school for the first day was too much for her. Everything was strange and different, and she had to pretend it was ok. She hated to share that alfajor with Betty. Vivi thought she would die when her answer in math was wrong. She was under so much pressure. Nothing could make it easier for her. Maybe Mike was right; this private school was too stressful for her. She remained curled and kept shivering. Johnny and Betty’s voices were soothing and inviting, but Vivi couldn’t look at them. She felt too awful. This should never have happened.
The circle of students around them thinned down, the students losing interest in this whining new girl. Johnny and Betty kept kneeling beside her, not knowing what to do next.
“Betty,” said Johnny, “go and fetch Ms Williams. I think she’s still in the homeroom. Please ask her to come over. I think she can help.” Betty nodded and felt relieved being able to do something to help her friend. What Vivi had was true. She did have a crush on Johnny from the first time she saw him raising his thin arm to answer a question. He was so cute. She sighed, but this was not the time to think about him. Her new friend had some emotional problems and needed immediate help. Luckily, Ms. Williams was still in the homeroom, as Johnny suspected.
“Ms. Williams,” Betty said hurriedly, “please check on Vivi. She’s having a meltdown near the lockers. Johnny and I tried to help her, but she refused to get up. I hope you can do something for her.”
Ms. Williams rushed to check on Vivi, who was still on the floor. Johnny was handing her one Kleenex after another. He looked relieved when he saw Ms. Williams and Betty approaching the scene.
Ms. Williams sat beside Vivi and said soothingly, “Hi, Vivi. I know you’re feeling overwhelmed, but it’s normal. The first days in school can tax a young person with a sensitive constitution. It’s all right. You’re lucky to have friends like Betty and Johnny. It’s ok. You can sit up and look at us. You’re doing fine.”
Slowly, Vivi’s breath returned to normal; her body stopped shivering, and she could sit up. She looked at these three people who wanted only the best for her. She still felt ashamed and remorseful. She hoped she could have gone back in time and erased what happened, or at least make sure this reaction would never happen again. It was so humiliating.
As if listening to her thoughts, Ms. Williams said to her calmly, “Right now, you’re vulnerable. Maybe going home with Johnny and Betty is not a bad idea. Are you ok with seeing your friend home?” She smiled as Betty and Johnny nodded in unison. Vivi looked at Betty and said, “I’m so sorry for saying all those stupid things to you. I had no right. You’re such a good friend. I don’t think I deserve friends like you.” Vivi wiped her eyes and felt so small.
Betty shook her head, “Hey, things happen. Don’t worry about it. Let me walk you to the girls’ restroom. Everything will look better once you wash your face and comb that hair.” They smiled at each other, and Vivi raised her hand. Betty readily helped her up.
Johnny faced them and said as if to himself, “Vivi, I think you’re right. Betty has a thing for me, and I feel the same about her, but I didn’t recognize it. You’re in good hands walking to the girls’ restroom with her. I’ll wait for you here.”
Ms. Williams lowered herself to Vivi’s height and said, “Some emotions are scary, but they pass. If you want, come to my room tomorrow after school, and I’ll show you a technique that can help you calm down and ground wild thoughts when they hijack your mind.”
Vivi nodded in relief, “This is not the first time I’ve behaved like this, Ms. Williams. When I do, I feel scared of the people I hurt and walk away from them. Thank you for offering me your help. I’ll tell my mom I must stay after school tomorrow to learn how to deal with my emotions. She’ll be pleased.” Vivi smiled for the first time after the incident and started walking away. Betty rushed to her side, and both girls disappeared into the girls’ restroom.
Ms. Williams looked at Johnny, who watched the girls and took care of all those backpacks on the floor. She smiled and said, “Well, we can’t say nothing happens in All Stars School! You did good, Johnny, by sending Betty for me. See you tomorrow.” She returned to the homeroom to collect her things. He was still standing there when she peeped back from the homeroom door. She smiled to herself—the mysteries of love.
***
Vivi snapped out of her trip down memory lane and scanned her room. The walls were a gentle shade of pink, adorned with a portrait of her late father, who passed away before they moved to this country. Bookshelves lined the room, stocked with her favorite reads, both in Spanish and English. A poster hung across her bed displaying the Five Promises.
She read them as was her habit of integrating them into her life:
I promise to try to treat all beings kindly and not kill them or harm them in any way.
I promise to take only what is given to me and not take anything which belongs to others without permission.
I promise to treat other boys and girls like brothers or sisters or best friends.
I promise to speak truthfully, kindly, and gently and not to tell lies or to say hurtful things to anybody or about anybody.
I promise not to take alcohol, drugs, or intoxicants but to keep my mind clear.
On Vivi’s second meeting with Ms. Williams after school, her teacher introduced her to Metta – sending loving kindness to others at the end of her practice of Anapana.
Ms. Williams said, “The power of sending Metta to yourself and others is powerful and beneficial. You will experience it by doing it. It’s impossible to explain how it works, but it does. If you see someone suffering, the best thing you can do is send them loving-kindness. It works better than giving them advice. You close your eyes and send them Metta. It’s good to do it at the end of your Anapana practice for about two minutes – start with yourself, then with people you love, people you don’t get along with, and then you send Metta to everyone else. Everybody can benefit from this powerful medicine.
Vivi closed her eyes and sent Metta to Chuck and Mike. They both needed Metta. She learned from Ms. Williams that not only the victims need Metta but also the bullies. They hurt others because they suffer. If they feel happy, they won’t harm others.
“Vivi? Are you all right?” Vivi heard her mother calling from the kitchen downstairs.
Her mother was a bit worried, but not much. She was used to her daughter drifting into thought when she returned from school. She covered the homemade pizza she had prepared for Vivi and went up to check on her daughter.
“Sorry, Mom,” Vivi smiled apologetically, “something happened in school today that reminded me of my first day in All Stars School. She showed her the sticker.
“That’s horrible, and what are you going to do about it?” her mom asked, seeing the spark in her daughter’s eyes.
Vivi grinned, “Chuck has already started researching what people have in common with pigs, so I thought of making a presentation about them.”
Vivi’s mom laughed, “Could you ask someone to video your talk? I’d love to post it on your YouTube channel.”
“Will do.” Vivi nodded, “Would you like to practice Anapana with me, Mom? Today was so stressful that I could use Mom’s energy.”
“Sure, Honey, but don’t you prefer to practice Anapana after dinner?”
“You’re right. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Her mom returned to the kitchen and put the pizza, and thought of preparing something calming to drink, maybe chamomile tea.
Vivi texted Chuck, “How was your meeting with Ms. Williams? Did she tell you about Anapana?”
His response was immediate, “How did you know? Do you practice?”
She smiled and continued, “Yep. How did it feel?”
Chuck texted, “So natural and helpful. I wish I knew it at the beginning of the year.”
Vivi continued, “I know. At least you have it now. Will you practice it twice a day, as Ms. Williams suggested?”
“You bet! It’s a lifesaver.”
“How about we come to school earlier tomorrow and practice it together?” Vivi asked.
“Come earlier? I hardly make it on time.”
“I know, but if you wanted to, you could, right?” Vivi pushed through his resistance.
“Right,” he admitted.
“So?”
“Ok, I’ll see you in school fifteen minutes before the lesson. You know, it’s not a bad idea.” Vivi read his text and sighed with relief. They were becoming good friends. She concluded her text with a smiling emoji.
He answered with an emoji of thumbs up.
Vivi went downstairs two steps at a time, “I’m hungry, Mom. What’s for dinner?” she uncovered the pizza and squeezed her mom’s waist, who chuckled in delight.
“Homemade pizza! How did you know I was craving it?” Vivi lifted her eyes in wonder.
“Moms know their kid’s hearts,” answered a happy mom. “now tell me, What caused Mike to put that nasty sticker on your locker?”
“To make a long story short,” Vivi said, “Mike spat a comment to Chuck about pigs in the middle of our presentation. Chuck took offense and ran out of the classroom in tears. Ms. Williams asked me to bring him back. But the best part is that Ms. Williams taught Chuck Anapana today after school hours. Isn’t that terrific? Now he can use it to strengthen himself against all kinds of nastiness that Mike throws at him. We’ll practice Anapana together before class. Isn’t it great?”
Vivi’s mom nodded. “I pray for Ms. Williams every morning, remembering the skittish girl you were before you started Anapana. You’ve come a long way, dear Vivi! I thought of going away for a few days to help my friend Sonya with her newborn. Do you think you could ask Betty for her mom’s number? Maybe you could stay with them while I’m away.”
“I’ll ask Betty.” Vivi said, “It would be an opportunity for us to get closer. Betty’s mother is a teacher at All Stars. I’ll help them cook, and they’ll take me to school. Maybe Johnny will come and help us with math!”
“Vivi,” her mom laughed, “I’m telling you of my plans to go away, and you find solutions to make my absence something to celebrate. You’re a doll!”
Vivi smiled at her mom and started eating the pizza. She tried to practice Anapana while eating because she learned that using that breathing technique improved her experience. And now, her mom’s pizza with mozzarella cheese and homegrown tomatoes tasted even better because of her meditation.
“Mom,” Vivi remembered asking, “Can you put two alfajores in my backpack for tomorrow? I want to give one to Chuck after we practice Anapana. And for lunch, can you get me a granola bar? Last week during lunch, Betty brought some. They were so good.”
“Sure, Vivi,” smiled her mother, “But are you sure it was the granola bar that was so delicious? Maybe it was because you shared your lunches; what each of you brought tasted much better.”
“That sounds true,” contemplated Vivi picking up the last crumb of her pizza, “Keep doing what you’re doing, Mom. You’re the best, and you know best.”
Vivi’s mom kissed Vivi on the crown of her head and said, “Thank you. Let’s go up and practice Anapana and Metta. When I do it with you, I sleep much deeper.”
Vivi did her dishes and went to her room to practice Anapana with her mom. She sent Metta to all beings, visible and invisible, far and near, small and big, and bid them all good night.